Here is my transcription of the diary.
THE FUNNY BOOK
Laugh and the world laughs with you
The Teenie Weenies:
The Teenie Weenie Sardine
The Teenie Weenie Dunce
The Teenie Weenie General
The Busy Picnic Season
“Lawsy!” gasped the Teenie Weenie Dunce as he sat down under the shade of the big brown mushroom and mopped his tiny face with a handkerchief no bigger than a postage stamp.
“What’s the trouble Dunce?” asked the General, who was passing by on his way to the Teenie Weenie Funny Book factory.
“I’m tired,” sighed the Dunce. “I bet I have delivered a thousand Teenie Weenie Books today-it just seems as though we can’t carry the folks enough-the more books they read the more they want.”
“I’m glad to hear it,” smiled the General. “The more they read the busier we will be, and you know busy people are always happy.”
“Well, I’d be happier if I was kept busy readin’ books instead of being kept busy deliverin’ them,” grumbled the Sardine. “My back aches from carryin’ so many of them.”
“Well, it’s a heap better to have a backache than the headache,” laughed the Teenie Weenies as they hurried away.
THE TEENIE WEENIE SARDINE-Shirley Waller
THE TEENIE WEENIE GENERAL-Iris Waller
I no T. W. shall show their books a. to outsiders. b. But to other T. W.’s.
II Stories must be true to life.
III If one T. W. thinks nothing funny happens leave that day out.
IV no T. W. can get help from another T. W.
V If amendments are to be made a meeting will have to be held or the other T. W. consulted through letters.
The Teenie Weenie Flower: Johnnie Jumpup
The Teenie Weenie Colors: Blue, Pink, Yellow
Sun-10- We T. W. are going to have this Funny Book putting in it the funniest thing that happens each day so I will write the funniest thing that happened today. Grandpa had some wine. Iris and Ray found it and drink a lot of it they said. Ha! Ha!
Mon-11- We went to Big Meeting. Mr. Venable gave Mr. Murray the right of giving orders. Mr. Murray said he wished his wife was there to see him giving orders. He said other funny things and every body thought he was a fine preacher.
Tue-12-We went to Big Meeting. Iris wore my pink dress. I am fat and take it up, and she is poor and it was long enough for her.
Wed-13-I got about 15 plums and ate every of them ha!
Thurs-14-We were ready to go to Big Meeting when Harry and Bettie came. They brought me a paper bag of apples. Now I can get full of apples! Ha!
Fri-15-We went to Big Meeting. The preacher told every body to look at him and frown. Nobody couldn’t. Everybody smiled. Now could you have frowned.
Sat-16- We went to preaching. The preacher got up and said “every man that wants to take of his coat just stand up and pull it off.” And he pulled his off. Some men took off theirs.
Sun-17- We went to preaching. Oris came. He brought Josephine Puckette! Ha! Ha!
Mon-18-In the evening it was raining. Iris and I went upstairs and lay on the bed and tried to frown at each other. But we couldn’t. We laughed and laughed about nothing. Ha!
Tue-19-Mama, Iris, and I wrote to Vivian. Mama asked Papa to give her two pennys to mail it with. He lay down and lay two pennys on the floor. Mama kept after him for two pennys. He said “You wouldn’t know money if you was to see it.” She stept all over it. Then she went and asked Ray and he gave her two. Then papa said, “Ha! Ha! You didn’t even know money when you saw it. These two pennys have been laying here ever since I laid down.” But she had Ray’s and didn’t use his. Ha! Ha!
Wed-20-Iris and I were going to town with Henry. He got here before we got up. Mama called us up. We were so sleepy that we lay on the bed and “Like to not ever” got ready. Finally we got ready, ate and started off.
Thurs-21-We went to Appomattox to the association, we went in church. A funny preacher got up taking on the old preachers. He said that he was a young preacher because he had his own teeth. And he said that preachers should have nice clothes and that he got his last wk. at Mark’s on Main St. for $12.50. Then he said preachers would go to homes and if they had ham he would say “Sister this certainly is fine ham and by the way my way wife sure does like fine ham.” And he would take home 3 or 4 hams. And he said he hadn’t never taken home a ham. He said lots of other funny funny things.
Fri-22-We went to Aunt Mollies. All of the men but George and Hoover went to Gretna. We got hungry and begged to eat. Finally we were just ready to eat and they came from Gretna and they ate and we had to wait. ?? but we got hungry.
Sat 23- The other day Iris and I went to cousin Lillie’s to get her to make us a dress. So today we down there after them and forgot to ask her what she charged for making them so we had to go back. Ha! Ha!
Sun-24-I lay down and slept nearly all evening. Iris came a woke me up to go riding with Henry. I came down with my eyes closed. Then Iris, Henry and I went riding. It woke me up. Ha! Ha!
Mon-25-Iris and I looked at the catalog nearly all day. Ha!
Tue-26-This evening Raymond put on one of mama’s old dresses and her every-day hat. He was the funniest looking thing and awkward I can’t tell nobody how awkward he was. Oris wanted Ray to dress as a girl and he wanted to take him to preaching. He didn’t tho and they went to preaching just the same. Ha! Ha!
Wed-27-We were all out doors watching Aunt Ora and Iris, Otho and Raymond playing croquet. Somebody mentioned something about cows. Ralph said “I aint never touched a cows, I aint never touched a cows, I aint never touched a cows, …!” (?) Everybody laughed and laughed. Ha! Ha!
Thurs-28-I went to the matto patch and got some tomatoes. I came back by the well and filled the pan full of water to cool them. I came to the house. Mama said, “don’t you waste that water I just brought in.” I said, “ha! Ha! I brought this water from the well just now.” She said, “all right.” Then I fixed mama, Iris and I a matto sandwitch and they both kissed me for another one. I fixed them. I got two kisses and also a matto sandwich. Alter boys. Ha! Ha!
Fri-29- Henry was selling things. He aimed to go in a store to sell something and he went into a shoe repairing store. Ha! Ha!
Sat- 30-Harry and Bettie came by here. Harry had traded his car for a nother one. After they left Papa said, “Everybody else getting cars. I’m gonna get me a thousand dollar car.” He didn’t mean it I know. Ha! Ha!
Sun-31- We were getting ready to go to bed. I was fixing to set down to take off my shoes. Mama jerked the chair from under me and I fell on the floor. I quarreled and she quarreled but it help my poor behinds. Ha! Ha! I went to bed whimpering.
Mon-1-Mama was milking. I tried and had a success. I made a spean come. Ha! Ha!
Tue-2- Mama was fixing to go to milking. Papa said, “Looka there.” Mama looked and it was a little black and white pig. Mama said, “Come on Len and help me catch him. If nobody never calls for him I will have a little pig.” I said, “Go on Papa and help her catch him.” Papa said, “Just run him in the chicken pen.” Mama got milk and was putting him in when she heard somebody say, “Mrs. Waller is that my pig.” Mama looked and it was Mr Hedrick. She said, “I don’t know I guess it is.” He said, “I told them not to turn him out, I abused them all, I was grand mind to whip the hold shebang.” Then he said you’ll hafter lend me an old sack.” Papa said, we have plenty of sacks,” and got him one. He caught the pig and hurried home. I said, “Mama you thought you were going to get a pig.” She said, “Yes.” After awhile he came back and brought the sack. Papa and him had a long talk both times.
Wed-3-Aunt Cate and I went to Mrs. Talley’s. Coming on back Mrs. Wilkerson, Mr. Wilkerson, Junior, and Christine came on in the buggy. Aunt Cate rode with them. I had to walk. I went with her and she rode and I had to come home by my self. Don’t you think that was a funny way to do? Ha! Ha!
Thurs-4-Mama and I were wrapping up eggs to send to town tomorrow. I was wrapping up one. It had such a thin shell that my finger went through the egg. I ate it! Ha! Ha!
Fri-5-We ate dinner. I went in the other room I heard mama singing. She was singing “Seems there’s nothing in the way.” I came in and said, “ Mama did you say eat there’s nothing in the way,” She said, “I said Seems there’s nothing in they.” When I came in she was eating tomatoes. She said, “It is something in the way. Some cabbage, tomatoes, potatoes, bread, milk and apples.” Ha! Ha!
Sat-6-Sun-7-We were all going to the University to get Iris Sun. Aunt Lota, Irma, Grandma and Uncle Alonza came. And Harry and Bettie came to stay all night. So Sun we had to stay here. Ha! Ha!
Mon-8-The mail went on. We got a letter from Iris and Vivian. Everybody laughed till they cried at the one she wrote me. Ha! Ha! It sure was silly as well as funny.
Tue-9-I went with mama to milking and milked about 1 cup of milk. Ha! Ha!
Wed-10-Mama went to milking. I went with her and milked about 2 cups of milk. Ha!
Thurs-11-Papa and Henry made me a milking stool. I went with mama to milking and milked nearly a half gallon. Ha! Ha!
Fri-12-I went with mama to milking and milked nearly every spean. Ha! Ha!
Sat-13-Harry and Bettie came. Bettie and I went to the spring. Bettie pulled 1 water mellon it was not ripe but we ate part of it. I pulled 2 both were ripe. We ate them. When we got back we found that we had stayed nearly an hour. Ha! Ha!
Sun-14-We went to the University. We met the Chinese girls. They had a quarrel over which was lover’s lane. One said, “This is lover’s lane.” The other one said, “you are mistaken that is lover’s lane.” They never did decide.
Mon-15-Harry, Bettie and Fannie came. They told some of the funniest things that we all laughed a great deal.
Tue-16-Iris and I were so tired and she hit me and I hit her. We had a fight right in the tobacco row! And liked to fell down ha! ha!
Wed-17-My dress was dirty. Ray said, “What’s that on your dress?” I replied, “Dirt!” Ray said, “Mighty right it is.” Iris went into gales of laughter. All of us laughed. We jumped up to wash dishes. Iris said, “You may wash a dish, when ever you wish. But you can’t wash a bowl to save your soul.” Ha! I said on her, “I owe you a peck of peas, I’ll pay you with my knees.” Later on she got it back on me! Ha! Ha!
Thurs-18-Iris and I went with Henry to Rustburg. He bought us a baby Ruth. We did not eat it. Iris said, “Wonder why we aint eattin’ it.” I said, “I want mine to last long as yours.” We said we wished it was bigger and we had a wagon body roll. Ha! Ha!
Fri-19-Iris had gone to bed. I heard her coming down the steps plunk plunk plunkedie plunk. She came in with the Black Draught box in her hand, saying may I take a dose? Mama said, “I don’t care.” So we took a dose. Ha!
Sat-20-Iris and I were calling the cows. We started to the house backwards calling co, co, co, couh. Ha! Ha!
Sun-21-Harry said Thurs that he was going to give us a surprise. We got it. This evening he took Iris and I to his packing house. We got out and went in. He went in the pit and got out some watermelons. He cut open two. We ate so much we could hardly walk!
Mon-22-Mama, Papa, and I went to get some tomatoes. Papa went a nother way. We didn’t see him. When he came to the house Mama and I said, “Papa where did you get your tomatoes. He said, “don’t youall talk so silly. Ha! We didn’t see him tho.
Tue-23-Tonight I went to milking before Mama and finished time she did. Ha!
Wed-24-Iris, Mama, and I were in the tobacco ground. Papa came by and we hollered to him and told him to come by and sucker 4 rows and we would give him 5¢. He said, “no, 5¢ a row.” We said, “go on, go on.” Ha!
Thurs-25-Iris and I went to bed at 7 o’clock. We fussed over the cover. Mama brought us a separate blanked. Iris said, “I will keep this blanket all winter.” In a little while she said, “I want stand this another night.” We laughed at her. Ha!
Fri-26-Mama, Iris and I went over our tobacco. We got so tired and our backs nearly broke. I said, “I ain’t never going to have another crop. Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!
Sat-27-We went to the lawn party at New Chapel. We bought some ice cream from Hassie and she pilled our saucer up so high that it was nearly more than I wanted. Ha!
Sun-28-We went over to Aunt Mary’s. Mrs. Blackstock Ruby’s Grandmother was there. Mrs. Blackstock said, “Ruby looks like you have more color than you uster.” Ruby said, Grandmother I reckon I just got on a little more rouge. My usual color is white! Everybody laughed. She sure was jolly. Ha! Ha!
Mon-29 All of us went to cut tobacco. We would cut a little then Oris would say want a watermelon Shirley. I would say, “yes.” We ate (a million) a lot. Ha!
Tue-30-I went to milking and milked my cow before mama came to milk hers. Ha! Ha!
Wed-31-I had on some pieces of slippers & one of them came off and I said, “One of my slippers came off.” Mama said, “Don’t say slippers but it is a slipper it is slipping away from you.” I laughed, She laughed, and Iris laughed.
Thurs-1-Mama and I were looking in the catalogue. We were looking at dishes. We came to a colored glass footed comport. I said, “Mama what does comport mean?” Mama said, “I don’t know look in the Dictionary and see.” I did. It said manner, behavior. I said I guess it is a dish to hold your manners in. Mama laughed and so did I. What does comport mean? Anybody. Ha!
Fri-2-I nearly go to sleep when anybody is working on my hair. Ray was cutting my hair and I dropped to sleep and it made him nearly cut my ear off. I laughed and laughed. Oris came in. I told him and he laughed too. Ha!
Sat-3-The cows would not come this morning so we did not milk. So tonight they came and we got 3 buckets of milk! Ha! Ha!
Sun-4-Tonight mama and I were calling the cows. We sat down and were talking about “Shine” the song I sang to make my cow give her milk down. I got up to call the cows and said Shine. Mama laughed until she cried and tears streamed down her face. I laughed also. Ha! Ha!
Mon-5-We had to cut tobacco and got so tired I nearly dropped. Ha! Ha!
Tue-6-Iris and I were looking for the catalogue we sent for and we did not get it. I sure was mad and she was to. Ha!
Wed-7-I was sitting on a stump out in the yard. Rover was standing by. I was eating candy. He looked at me and begged for some with his eyes. I gave him some and he ate it. Alter boys!
Thurs-8-Iris and I washed dishes. Mama washed milk buckets. After awhile she picked up the kettle and said, “youall claim to wash dishes but look at the water in the bottom of this.” I said, “Mama you washed that,” and so she did. We laughed and so did she! Ha!
Fri-9-Iris and I were putting the corn in the basket on the nail. We finally put it up. Mama came in and didn’t want it up there and pulled it down.
Sat-10-We were eating supper. I said, “Iris said she knew of Mama taking her out of the crib and letting her nurse.” Papa said, “That’s sorta like Alonza.” He said once that he know about John Compton and he died before Alonza was born.” Mama said, “I heard somebody knew when their father and mother were married.” We laughed. Ha! Ha!
Sun-11-Vivian told us that a hornet nest was on her school house. So Henry, Vivian, Raymond, Gordon, Mama, Iris and I went up there. After we got above Rustburg we had a blow out. Ray and Henry had to go to Rustburg and get another tube. We put it on and went to the school house. The hornets nest was only a bird nest. We laughed at Vivian and said we came and went 12 miles, bought a tube, and bought 50¢ worth of gas to see a bird nest. Ha!
Mon-12-Papa called us up at 10 min. past 5 to help move tobacco. Ha! Ha!
Now that school starts to-morrow I will close this Funny Book. Good bye- Good bye to vacation. Farewell Summer.